Grace is Gone

I entered my nail salon for my weekly appointment went to secure my nail box, and was surprised to be greeted by a new face. "Hi, I am the new owner." Hi," I replied, "I'm Carol" showing her my box inscribed "Carol 0809," wanting to establish immediately that I am a regular as only regulars have their own nail boxes with supplies. I asked her name and she replied very warmly "Hannah"; taking both my hands as a welcome gesture. Where is Grace? Grace has owned the salon for almost 2 years. There have been four owners since I began coming here in 2001. I liked Grace, she cared, noticed, remembered, shared her life.
These relationships we have with folks in restaurants, shops, train commutes, Internet shopping are real and add to the feeling of connection in our lives. They neither are technically family nor even friends but nonetheless important. I felt a brush with loss as I was led to my chair. Hannah elected to do my pedicure herself. I know that an owner doing a client's pedicure is considered to be an honor in salon culture and I accepted it as such A little later she turned me over to Jenny, one of the regular staff and I whispered, "where is Grace?" She whispered back, I did not get it, but her expression made me think that Grace was sorry to leave but okay.

This week my book discussion was about our assigned book "Family Tree" by Barbara Delinsky. One of the central concepts in the book is the concept of family. The author defines a family as a unit that is linked by either genetics or love. A close and caring group of friends would be the family we choose. The ones that come with birth, marriage and DNA are the genetic families. I have another family definition: the network of folks who we get to know by frequenting the places in which they work; people that provide services for us, or people to whom we just say hello to as we go about our daily lives. People at the train station every morning Or the bus stop. Or folks we ride the train with everyday, These are families in a way also.

We have a Pizzeria in our neighborhood-La Vera -word has it that they have inherited the recipe for the famous Gloria pizza in Flushing, a meeting spot for high schoolers on their way home in the'60s. We felt cared for and confident of good service and friendly greetings whenever we went. One day there were new owners. No one was there from before. A little sadness and loss

Starbucks-the young woman who had my order every time, where has she gone?

Ann, at the French Wine Merchant-for years she helped me pick out wines and had new ones ready when I arrived. Then she was gone. Sometimes folks tell you they are moving on-often this is done with a whisper. Sometimes I ask. More often not.

The cart on Jamaica Avenue by work-the vendor had my tea ready as I was walking up the block. One day he had to leave.

At our health club the core group has been coming at the same time for years. Then one day a person does not come anymore- a sense of loss pervades

These are unique relationships.

Liam has his friends also. Where are Roxie, Rocky, Boomer, Meaghan?
At the dog Run there are regulars. You sit everyday with them and know about their families and their lives. Then one day, Meaghan does not come . Another Rocky does not, then Roxie
Liam remembers his buddies and misses them
Then one day we did not go back. Maybe someone is saying where are Carol and Liam? Are they are okay?
We are.
And sometimes people return. Today we saw Jake. He came running to us off leash in New Hyde Park on Leonard Blvd. Had not seen him since April 2008. So life and people move on. And sometimes we reconnect and other times it was just a connection for a period of time.

I ran into Ann from the French Wine Merchant in our local wine store a few years later- She remembered and suggested some wines. No mention of the time in between. Wistful for me.

So maybe we pass by these temporary "friends" later on in our lives, and reconnect, or we pass by and no longer remember each other, or vaguely do remember and say nothing.

Sometimes the retired person we see everyday drinking his coffee and reading the NY Times at the local bagel place in Kew Gardens is not there one day. He is really gone and not coming back.

That happened 91101. People were at the bus stop that day 91101 and then they were not 91201.

Another type of family. We miss them when they go.

Paul comforts Liam on the loss of his friends
and explains there will be new ones
and maybe future reunions

Woof, woof I see Murphy maybe, no it is a squirrel
nah not
arooooooooo give Licks when you can