Many of you have offered ideas, shared your sleepless stories and asked questions about the LiamLicks blog "Sleepless in Rhinebeck" dated May 7, 2009. I now know there are many sleep deprived folks out there, like me. One suggestion was a sleep center. I did take part in a sleep study a few years ago and would like to relate the story of my stay. There were two stays but I will combine the highlights into one story. Why did I go? Recommendation of a wonderful doctor. He figured it would be beneficial to know what might be going on when I was not sleeping. If I in fact did fall asleep, someone would be there watching, observing and recording what kind of sleep I was having: restless, twitchy, REM non-REM. sleep apnea, snoring and all that.
The sleep clinic is sort of a college dorm with single rooms and a master control center out of sight of the dorm. I arrived with my pillow, PJ's, eyeglasses, (I usually wear contacts). I drove Sassy (Saturn) to the Center
Paul followed me there in his car, Sam Adams Saturn, Sammy. I was not sure why. Did he want to make sure that I got there and was strapped in place? As the other guests arrived, I noticed that I was the only woman, all my other dorm mates were men; all were being delivered by their wives or woman friends. None seemed to have been followed in an unmarked spouse's car as I had been. Paul left after he dispatched me, as did the other women delivery persons. We were processed. I was then led to my sleep room
Quite nice. Better than a mid level hotel room; except no mini bar. One cannot eat or drink while this sleep study is going on. The attaching of electrodes begins. Quite an involved process-head, body, legs
If you are interested in a complete description try this site-www.talkaboutsleep.com or you know, just Google-sleep, lack of, help...I peeked out to see my dorm mates. Five middle-aged men in pajamas. I have not slept with a group of strange men since the Hampton's beach houses in the late 60's and early 70's. Chaste sleep, just sleeping off a wild night out. During those nights I learned to sleep on top of a bureau, never moving. Paul has always marveled that, back in the day, when I slept, I was like a stone, once in place, no movement. I always explained that in the Hampton's houses, all shared a house and I tried not to fall off the bureaus onto those beneath. Being small I got the lusted bureau top consistently. At least I was successful at sleeping then. But that was then, this was now. This time we all had electrodes, masks
lots of equipment and were being watched by technicians. I liked the idea of being watched. My sleepless nights at home usually involve me watching Paul, Liam and the parakeets sleep-this time someone would be watching me.In each room, there is a wide screen TV, bolted way up on the wall that you can keep on all night. You can read. You cannot drink lattes, sip wine, devour middle of the night snacks-so no comforting bread and butter eaten in the dark, no sleep meds and no Gabriel Byrne's "In Treatment" -which had not yet begun its run on on HBO
This was scary. All these items are part of my sleep ritual. I was strapped, taped, and settled in with my five guy mates. I asked the tech if anyone ever goes crazy, rips off their electrodes and runs out. "Oh, people do go crazy. Only men, so far, they run out, call a cab and vow never to return. Most often their wives have forced them to come to the study." Interesting. I asked to be here.I had placed my eyeglasses on the table. Now that I was strapped in they were not reachable as they were on the opposite side of the bed. So I could not see the TV very well. I am very farsighted and all the images were too big. I needed to back up 20 feet and that was not possible. I tried to inch towards my glasses but felt my attached wires moving. So there I was . No eyeglasses to read or watch TV. What was I to do, listen to the TV? I started thinking about the bathroom. I had not drunk anything for hours prior to my admission in order to avoid having to go to the bathroom. The technician had shown me how to detach my wiring with minimum disruption and then suit myself back up. My obsession with the bathroom grew and I had to go. I got up, unplugged myself, passed another dorm mate on the way "Sweet Dreams," he said: we both smiled knowing neither of us had a chance of that. Had he been one of those strangers sleeping beneath me, in one of those Hampton houses 40 years ago? Maybe. This made me smile.
I arrive at the bathroom; false alarm. I return to bed. I try to make sense of the wires, but need my eyeglasses. Before I can get them, the sleep technician comes in the room and announces "You got up." "Yes, I did. How do you know?" "We know everything. We are watching. Suddenly you went off radar." Oooh, my Leo self loves this. I am being watched all the time. They like me. My reattachment is not right. Something is now wrong with my wiring (my fault for getting up) and I have to move to another room. This new room is like a Manhattan studio, a closet. I am so sad. I had a suite, now I am being punished; I have to sleep in a closet. The tech insists this is not a punishment. There are no more available rooms-full house tonight (Just like the Hampton's). I say nothing; next offering might be the top of a bureau. I settle in and start the countdown. It is now 12:30 AM, I watch the clock 'till 3:30 AM. I cannot move, I am trapped in wires, face beneath a mask. I do not sleep.
Wait, a light is on, A new tech arrives, "Good morning, test over." Did I sleep?" No answer
The official test results show that I had 50 leg movements an hour-(restless leg syndrome confirmed), 150 body movements (insomnia confirmed) Gasping, snoring, pauses in breathing (Sleep apnea confirmed ) and top that off with no REM stage sleep, not once. REM is that deep sleep so necessary to feel rested. The tech says I can get dressed in my day clothes. I do. I see my dorm mates getting their stuff. Their wives/ female friends coming to get them. No patients ran away. This group stayed in place all night. Me and my five middle-aged men. Sassy Saturn is waiting in the parking lot.
I passed all tests. I am a sleep-deprived mess. I have earned the right to the much-coveted CPAP machine
I will be given an in-home lesson. After that I will begin using it immediately. My life will change. I will sleep soundly forever more. 
My eyes will open up like my baby eyes 
no longer at half-mast like my grownup middle-aged eyes
Yay! My future looks bright. The study was worth it.I get in Sassy Saturn, drive home. It is 6:30 AM, daylight already. It is late summer. I pull into our driveway, go to the side door. I ring the bell, knowing Paul is getting ready for work. Paul- Who is it? Me-Whom do you think would be at the side door, at 6:30 AM with a pillow. Let me in. He does.
I shower. I change into my work costume ( that would be one of my power suits, which I have since given away to more powerful women) and we go to work; we work in the same place. Beyond cute, that.
I never used the CPAP
I am now retired from work, but not from life.
I have not worn a suit in 17 months.
I have not had a good night's sleep in 72 months.
I have a dog for 17 months; he sleeps. See below.
After a good night's sleep, Liam plays in the sun
Woof, woof, and Sweet Dreams to those who sleep.
