I have sleep issues. It all started about 6 years ago with the onset of the big "M". Before young people and men start squirming, no, I am not going there-hot flashes and all the other symptoms are for the Oprah show, she does all that much better than my blog ever could.
We set out for vacation in Rhinebeck
on Monday, April 27, 2009. This was a vacation trip in celebration of our 27th wedding anniversary, the Friday before. Liam also was going on vacation, to his place, Best In Show, same venue of his weekly Obedience Training sessions. I did bring items I use at home to combat my sleepless nights- two books, DVD player with the entire first season of HBO's "In Treatment," three newspapers, a notebook for jotting down ideas, my blackberry
natural sleeping remedies: black cohosh, magnesium, some new vitamin called Myocalm, and several bottles of wine. Missing though were Liam, parakeets, Klonopin (my restless leg drug) headphones for the DVD (very important when in one room 
with a sleeping husband). An added change was that we were two people in one room, no rooms to roam. I have admitted that at home I sleep in the den with the birds 
and Liam
I am equipped with a TV, blackberry, DVD player, books, magazines
a lamp that I can read by. I can visit the fridge for nocturnal food comfort
Even with Liam leaping for my snack 
( he can leap 6 to 7 feet high) I still am able to get a bite most times.We stayed in Rhinebeck three nights. I'll tell you of Tuesday, April 28 since it rivaled others as the worst sleepless night of my entire life. I should have had nights like this when cramming for exams in college, or partying till dawn-these were nights I wanted to be awake forever. However, sleepless nights are wasted on the old. Too bad.
We went out to a fabulous dinner at Terrapin just a short walk from The Beekman Arms Inn
where we were staying. Terrapin restaurant was originally a church
and still has that feel-the organ balcony was still visible. Nothing more sacrilegious than two Catholic school kids drinking wine in a church. We were done by 8:30 and headed back to the room for some TV watching. For me though it was a countdown to the dreaded time when Paul announces "lights out" and my misery of sleeplessness begins.11:30 PM Paul announces "lights out." Cute, but not funny. My ordeal begins. Silence, then snoring. How can he have fallen asleep in 17 minutes? I am not used to this snoring, bed-hogging human. I sleep with Liam and the parakeets at home. Liam has no problem sleeping either, but at least he occasionally opens one eye to look at me
Not Paul, he turns his back to me. Rude. I check the clock-11:47 PM. I take out my blackberry spending the next hour, reading and replying to messages. Then I access Facebook- I look at everyone's photo albums.12:51 AM. I get up, look out the window-we have three windows in the room. Our Saturn (named Sam Adams) is the only car in the parking lot-Sammy looks as lonely as I feel. I go in the bathroom to see if I can somehow scrunch in the window and read. Good idea but not enough light.
1:33 AM- I start thinking about John McCain. He was in a box for 5 years. I should be able to stand a few hours of loneliness, darkness, and silence in this room.I decide to go over my life decade by decade, reviewing for regrets, triumphs and just happy memories. Since I am now 58, I have 6 decades to go through. This should bring me to daylight.
2:47 AM. I am very quick, did my whole life in one hour. I think of John McCain again.
I also entertain the idea of going to the hall or the lobby to read as this is an Inn and has some cozy spots. I don't do it.
3:30AM The birds start chirping. I would have thought they did not start till daylight. Nice to have someone else up with me. Paul has been thrashing about. Almost knocking me out of the bed a few times. I swat him and he stops. I write this LiamLicks in my head.
3:45 AM Someone on our floor has opened and closed a door. Someone else is up!!! three more times. I am not alone.
4:32 AM I get up to go to the bathroom
on the way I hit my left arm into the bedpost. I decide that I will tell Paul he hit me in his sleep. This will be a wicked bruise later. I check the blackberry again. No new messages.5:44 AM Paul awakens. He asks a series of questions: Did you sleep? No. Did you go to the lobby? No. Did you read in the bathroom? No. I show him the huge bruise, accusing him of bad bed behavior, He does not fall for it. He declares that I must have walked into something. He then returns to his sleep, unsympathetic; apparently convinced I am not a self starter, more like a pathetic creature unable to resolve this sleep issue on my own.
6:30 AM Sounds of life on Route 9. This is a workday and the workers are starting to move about. I check the parking lot. Our Sammy Saturn has company-another car. Another day has begun. Yay!
7:54 AM, That is it, I am up. There is light. The song "It's a Beautiful Morning" pops in my head, pushing away "There's got to be a Morning After" (Poseidon Adventure) which had taken up residence in my head all night.
There's got to be a morning after
If we can hold on thru the night
We have a chance to find the sunshine
If we keep looking for the light
I made it through the night. Did I crash later? No. Did I ever feel tired that day? No.
What did I learn?
1-I can get through a sleepness night.
2-I need klonopin
3-I need a laptop to occupy myself and connect to the world.
4-I need to know I can escape from one room and be safe somewhere.
5-That thinking of John McCain while in bed is comforting. Who would have thought that?
6 That watching a spouse sleep for 7 hours is a recipe for a "48 hours murder story."
I checked at the desk that morning. They assured me that I could have come down and cozied up in one of the sitting rooms on the ground floor
The desk clerk looked at me with such pity. "I am sorry your stay has been so uncomfortable." I smiled and said , "that is okay." I knew I had another Liam Licks story.We had one more night. I had plans to put a chair in the bathroom and/or to encamp in the lobby sitting room. A dear friend, also often sleepless, planned to keep me company during the night for as long as she could supplying me with stories and messages via e mail. However, I decided to drink a bottle of wine
to medicate myself. By 11:30 I was sleeping or in a stupor.. When I awoke the next morning, our departure day, I saw all her messages on my blackberry. How thoughtful, sweet and funny. The last one said:Where are you? Did you fall asleep in the bathroom?
And Paul's in person question? Did you sleep in the lobby? In the bathroom? No. Where were you? In the bed next to you. Thanks for not noticing.
Liam notices
Woof, woof
